Among green prairies, emerald-colored hills, thickly wooded canyons, rugged wilderness, and blistered soil and everything looks ocher color painted, there, exists the warmth of rich cultured people. Where the water descends from the clustered mountain range and flows through their harvest fields, there can be seen the industrious people of my home, welcoming and convivial. As I travel through the long-forgotten road towards my ancestral home, there lies an elegant scenery like a beautiful tapestry of distinct tones, the endless grazing lands of grain, oats, alfalfa, and soy. So well sowed and tended that the lively cornfields resemble a perfect formation of soldiers with golden-feathered helmets. The bright colored apple orchards create a rich and luscious reap to our distinctive land. Dry air swirls among the bright green mountain range, where wild animals run free.
The way to my grandparent’s home, although rough and strenuous, is a path of childhood memories. The exquisite scenery begins to change. The bright colors begin to fade, almost making one wonder if you are still in the same place. The road is rutted and uneven but yet the excitement inside me does not weaken; The excitement of being back home, living once again in the pure freedom of nature, and the cultural surrounding of our family home. Space, whereas a family we began to grow, is a warmhearted home, placed in the center of a rural town.
The welcoming space may not be a paradise but rather a very distinct place from its surrounding area. Having a very diverse climate change footprints and shadows of a turbulent climate are left on the land. Traces of grueling times pass by my mind. Suddenly, I realize the necessity, simplicity, and poverty of this humble people… of us. It makes me wonder if my ignorance as a child made me blind to these people’s truths. Difficult times are experienced with the lack of water in this particular place. Modest people are seen in simple clothing with non luxurious cars, having as a source of food only what they can cultivate. The most simple education can only be provided. Getting people to come and teach to a rural town becomes very expensive and very challenging experience. People are to live in a simple home, with only the basic needs, without water and electricity. One can see people with merely the essential necessities and surviving without an adorned way of life.
Things are different when I am away. I can see myself in a different place having almost anything I wish for, anything I need, and still yearning for more. Other people, different people, and suddenly I am one of them: ambitious, scorning my American way of life. As I turn back, I come to realize and appreciate what these rich cultured people long for. They would appreciate an opportunity of providing a better life to their families. They would appreciate what I have been offered all my life. And suddenly, I begin to understand why I am not one of them, or maybe not even a part of them; a part of those people who have suffered hunger, poverty, and experienced failure.
I was restrained from these types of conditions as I was beginning to grow up. As I was an innocent child longing to run up over olive-colored hills, climb upon loose wild horses, I saw myself in a perfect life. I felt fortunate for living here, accustomed to not always having what I wanted, praying to God for my parents to come back soon, merely enjoying the unadorned way of life.
In an instant of time, I am ripped from my home and placed in a different location. It was where my parents had been trying to offer me a better life. Everywhere I looked, my eyes met straight-edged buildings with sharp corners and deep shadows. Everything was spotless, perfect formed… different. “It is the perfect place to be”, my mother would repeat to me, over and over again. I began to despise those words. For without warning, I began to feel out of place, unconnected, with people that resembled the kind-hearted Mennonites back home; clear colored eyes, and hair like the color of milpa valleys. Simply, I could not understand them. They spoke to me, and for the first time I was speechless. I knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but I was terrified. I felt a tear running down my face and the urge to keep crying endlessly. My legs encouraged me to run, run, and run, away from this horrid place. I began to look down on my parents for making me experience this nightmare. I did not want to be there, and I found myself screaming and shouting as if it was going to resolve the situation. I was a rebellious child, but I managed to get through. As valued time passed by, I began to adjust to my new way of life. Learning the language, and coming accustomed to the climate and atmosphere of the place where just some of the challenges that I had to face.
Like my mom, always says “Como Pasa el Tiempo,” and yes I too wonder how fast time flows by. Now I see myself, part of a culture, place, and people that I never dreamed I could be a part of. Nevertheless, coming back to this precious land makes me appreciate everything that I once enjoyed; the daily family dinners with our prayer to God before every meal, family gatherings with Tia Bertha, Tia Socorro, Primo Daniel and the rest of my brothers and sisters. I miss our small rural school among hills, grasslands, and arroyos. It seems as though I can still see myself running through the water streams after the rain had just fallen: chasing butterflies, and forming small caves out of sand barrancas along the stream.
I was an innocent child, enjoying life as it came to me. And, now I notice the treacherous waters that once inhabited the wide stream, are non existent. Not even those family dinners, not even the freedom that I once felt inside me is at hand. I should feel anger for being seized from my home, my childhood innocence and freedom that I once enjoyed. But I know I would not have the opportunity to truly admire and appreciate what I once had. My childhood has become the shortest stage in my life but certainly the most valuable. It has always been connected to the paradise I once was part of.
Now, I truly would never like to live here. I know that nothing would be the same, and the extreme situations would make it very difficult for me to adjust. I enjoy coming here to visit my grandparents and my friends. It seems as though every time I can come more and more connected to it. Sincerely, it is not the place for me. I am not a part of it anymore and never will be. Now, I realize that there is a bigger world out there. My ignorance is no longer with me. Being away from this marvelous place made me open my eyes to things I never imagined. I now live in a world of opportunities, ones that I may never had known. San Bernabe has become that special place.
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